My family has really enjoyed the 7th inning stretch of Larry's game against cancer. We’ve moved on with our day-to-day lives and have
been able to slowly move cancer out of our everyday thinking. Now, to be fair
every time my brother had a CT scan or colonoscopy we would hold our breaths
until we got the ‘all clear’. We got used to that ‘all clear’. Larry has been
feeling fine-working hard, taking vacations, and watching the Sox....win sometimes.
So, when he went in to get a routine colonoscopy on August
31st, we held our breath, like we always did, until the doctor came
out to say everything seemed fine. We all breathed a sigh of relief and went
back to living the way we have since May of 2013. That is why it was such a shock
to get a text from my brother the following day that read, time to get your cancer notebook
out. Once again, I felt like Mike Tyson punched me in the gut- I couldn’t
breath, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, all I could do was look at my phone
and re-read the text in disbelief and shock.
The ‘cancer notebook’.-the notebook I started when he was
first diagnosed. The notebook that stayed up all night with me while I feverishly searched the world wide
web for everything colon cancer. The notebook that I had in my possession AT
ALL TIMES (literally, in my purse) for 17 months. Just in case someone told me
something I didn’t know about colon cancer, or a question popped in my head
that I had to ask his medical team, or at appointments when the doctor couldn’t
recall a level or dosage or a date-I had it all in my cancer notebook. The notebook
that would elicit an immediate eye roll and a disgusted sigh from my brother
when I would whip it out to write something down or recall something.
My comfort. When nothing else seemed to soothe me to sleep,
or to stop my hair from falling out or get me to eat the months following the
diagnosis. It was the notebook. When you’re up against an unfair opponent like
cancer, you feel powerless. I realized quickly Knowledge is Power. The notebook contained all my
cancer knowledge. It gave me some power back from the worst opponent ever.
Cancer.
One of my last blog posts was about my brother’s remission
and my notebook (read it HERE) How hard it would be to put it away, and
what that meant. Well, my notebook laid on my coffee table up until this
August. I unconsciously chose not to put it away. I would entertain and there
it would be amongst the wine glasses and food just blending in like it fit
there. After awhile I didn’t even notice it, think about it, or glance at it. After
all, I was enjoying the 7th inning stretch!
Until.... last month when I packed
up my condo to move. I had no choice but place it in a box. I, of course, sat
and glanced through it. I giggled at my naiveté in the beginning of Larry’s
cancer journey (the doctor’s were very patient with my questions), I shed a few
tears at the prognosis I was given by the internet with every damn search I
typed into google (I tried typing stage IV colon cancer 80 different ways
hoping I would get a different result), I smiled at the guest list for the first
Get Your Rear in Gear 5k-everyone’s support got us through the dark times, and
without hesitation I packed my cancer book safely in a box with the rest of my books and journals.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would receive a
text to get it back out less than a month later!
Currently, I sit writing this entry 300 miles away from my
mom, brother and my cancer book. After getting the news that we are definitely
facing a ‘cancer reoccurrence', I wanted to jump in my car and go home to be
with my mom and brother. I wanted to be at every doctor’s appointment like I was
before, I wanted to give my mom a hug and reassure her everything was
going to be okay, I wanted to give my
brother the opportunity to roll his eyes and sigh like a teenager when I pulled
out my cancer book at his doctor’s appointments. Just
like the last time we went through this. As I was melting down via text (I hate
talking on the phone) my best friend who has gone though a lot herself the past
9 months, responded,
‘but it’s not like
the last time......'
I wanted to throw my phone at her and yell at her that she
didn’t understand. Gosh, couldn’t she just join my pity party instead of crash
it?!
But the phrases sunk in slowly and I gained a new
perspective.
She’s 100% right. It definitely is NOT like last time. This is
a new journey……
….. We are definitely well rested after the extra long 7th
inning stretch
….. the reoccurrence was found early
….. we have an idea of what to expect with the upcoming
surgery
….. we have the same amazing medical team that are not only
the most knowledgeable and experienced but also care very much about my brother
and family
….. we’ve added to our LRM Crew
….. Larry gained an angel who would NEVER let anything
happen to her favorite grandchild
So, my original cancer book is officially retired. Nope I'm not taking it out of retirement (we don't need another Michael Jordan nightmare)... I bought a new notebook-a new prospect…only fitting for a new journey and a fresh
perspective. AND the doctors still have to deal with me at every appointment –
ahhh….the beauty of FaceTime. I haven’t missed an appointment yet!
We are now heading into the top of the 8th Inning…
On Monday, September 28th Dr. Salti will do
surgery to remove the cancerous portion of Lar’s colon. Once again in this journey, we feel incredibly lucky that Dr. Williams biopsied a portion of Lar's colon that 'didn't look right'. At first he thought he had cut it with his tool while performing the colonoscopy. And at the last minute decided to biopsy it. Thank you Dr. Williams!
If you can remember back to his emergency surgery Dr. Adajar removed 6 feet of his colon and attached the two ends.
This attachment point is where the current cancer was found. Right now it looks like Dr. Salti will just
need to remove 6 inches, however as we found out the first time…you never know
until they go in. Dr. Salti is concerned with the scar tissue from the past two
surgeries, however he is confident that Larry will not need a stoma. The
surgery will be at Edwards hospital in Naperville where Dr. Salti is now
practicing.
Dr. Stein, Larry’s oncology, is guessing that he will need
another round of chemo following the surgery. Until they perform the surgery and biopsy the colon, she is uncertain what kind of
chemo he will need.
As always, my brother remains positive and is ready to fight. My mom remains the strongest person I know. She just wants the cancer OUT! She would have my brother in surgery right now if Salti would do it.
Thank you to everyone for your continued support, it means a lot to my family. We are so lucky to have you all. I will continue to update the blog if more information becomes available and as we get closer to the surgery date. If you haven't subscribed to the blog do it now, to stay up-to-date.
As always....
Sox it to it Lar....
