Mental break

Waiting for another blog post…

Laura, add more pictures to the blog please..people want to see more.....

How’s Larry?? – haven’t seen a post in awhile….

Taking a mental break is necessary.  Whether you intend to or not.  I will admit, I took one.  I didn’t intend to, it just happened.

I set out to start the blog to inform everyone on all things Larry Richard Matson and chronicle his journey with colon cancer.  What I didn’t intend was for the blog to become ‘therapy’ for me.  The weeks of and following my brother’s diagnosis, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I could not turn my brain ‘off’ enough to relax.  I tried everything with no result.    Then I discovered after I posted a blog and put my computer to sleep, I found my mind more willing to shut off and relax.  So, I made it my nightly ritual – come home from the hospital or from spending time with my brother, turn my computer on, download pictures and blog. (some nights there might have been an extra step of pouring a glass of wine-or 3)  I slowly started to sleep a couple of hours, which led to eating a little bit more and then slowly started to venture out and have lunch or dinner with a friend.

Then my brother recovered from his surgery, we met with the oncologist and a chemo plan was set.  He started chemo and I started work.  Again, sleepless nights snuck up on me again, I HATED not being with him everyday.  But I had a new job with other people depending on me and I quickly got into the routine of work.  My brother made it easy on me because he tolerated chemo so well.  The day he would go in for chemo was hard, but the days after and in between were easier – he was working and feeling ‘normal’.

The normal routine felt good to me, it allowed me to think of other things than the c word.  It allowed me to text my brother about other things than ‘how are you feeling today?  Did you poop? are you tired? Feel nausesous? It felt good to Lar too. 

I didn’t realize that the blog was not in my ‘normal’ routine.  At first, I made the excuse that I didn’t have time to update it and I consciously believed that.  I met the initial task of informing everyone – I updated the blog after every chemo treatment or event, but I realized that I didn’t use it for therapy anymore.  Larry once yelled at me, “I’m not a fuck*ng charity case”.  Part of that anger included this blog.  If he didn’t have cancer there would be no larrysoxcancer.blogspot.com.  Although he wanted his friends/family informed, the blog was a difficult concept for him-it made his diagnosis real.  As the blog entries became less frequent, the more ‘normal’ he felt.  My normal routine was enough to put me to sleep, and to eat and to be social I didn’t need the blog, and neither did my brother.

This realization came to me today.  As we parked the car, walked on the pedway, got off the elevator and entered Dr. Stein’s office for Larry’s 6^th and final chemo treatment.  It ALL came flooding back to me.  We were on a break.  You know the famous Friend’s episode when Ross and Rachel were on a break?  My brother and I (and I'm sure most of my family) were on a cancer break – a break from non-stop cancer.  I know he lives with it every day of his life, but it was manageable, there were no variables, there was a schedule in place, he tolerated the chemo with little effect.  There were dinners, baseball games, parties, a wedding, walks, everything that’s a part of a 'normal' life. 

Twelve weeks of a reasonable break and routine. 

I am so grateful for that mental break we were allowed to take- grateful for Larry’s body tolerating the chemo so we could, grateful for family and friends that allowed us to celebrate- the large and the small. 

I am grateful for today-it made me stop, think and name this mental break we have been on because folks, I am officially off that break and ready to go!  The break, although unintended and unnamed for 12 weeks, has allowed me to charge up my mental strength while we head into the next inning of the game -Larry’s cancer game.

Sitting in Dr. Stein’s office and listening to our next step quickly snapped me out of this break and back into information gatherer, questioner, protector and blogger!  My brother has cancer dammit and I'm going to write about it.

So here is the game plan for the top of the 3^rd –

Larry’s levels were good enough for him to have his 6^th chemo treatment.  He will take the White blood cell booster shot on Friday, along with the Clartin.  There’s nothing new there.

In two weeks, he will go in for a CT scan that will scan his entire body for tumors.  We will then meet with Dr. Stein the following day to go over the results. 

If there are no tumors, we will go see Dr. Salti for a surgical consult.  He is the doctor that will perform the ‘chemo bath’.  That would happen sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I’ve talked about the chemo bath before- see previous posts for an explanation.

If the scan shows tumor(s) one of two things could happen –

If the tumor can be reached with surgery than he will have surgery to remove the tumor AND the chemo bath in one shot.  If the tumor is not reachable, than he will most likely start radiation and another round of chemo, before he goes through the chemo bath.

Again, it all depends on the results of the CT scan.  Both Dr. Stein and Dr. Salti will weigh in on the decision for the next step.  And as always, we are very confident in any decision that those two will make.

Here are a few pictures from today.  I wanted to REALLY celebrate his last treatment and as many of you know I don’t do things small.  I didn’t tell my brother that I took the day off to join him at chemo.  I wanted to surprise him with a cake, and signs and maybe a balloon or two-but my mom said absolutely not.  I think my brother was grateful for my mom’s decision.  It was hard enough for him to take these pictures.

Thank you to everyone for allowing us to take a mental break - sometimes you just need to...

Sox it to it Lar...

LRM Crew...the best crew in town

Gorgeous weather, supportive friends, beautiful scenery and loyal family.  What a great day for a walk to honor the strongest guy I know.  My brother.
We had such a great time at the Get Your Rear in Gear 5k yesterday.  I'll let the pictures tell the story.  I promise I will post more pictures, unfortunately  the site that they are uploaded to is down for maintenance.  So there will be more to come.  I wanted to post this before a very busy Monday night starts - Bear's and a debate!  What are they doing to us Chicagoans :)
Thank you to everyone that walked by our side, donated in his honor, cheered us on, and kept us in their thoughts.  My family is so grateful for the outpouring of support.  There are no words to express how much you all mean to us.

Larry and our friend Ray-the best fundraiser on our team

Larry and I with Leah and James Anderson. Leah is a fighter like Larry.

Sox it to it Lar...

A special girl

Tyler made many rice crispy treats to sell. 

Off she goes to sell....

Meet Tyler Cay, our cousins' Jill and Phil's daughter.  She is one special girl.  She was born a fighter and she continues to fight for a great cause - Colon Cancer.  Tyler had a bake sale in her neighborhood to raise money for the Get your Rear in Gear 5K, in honor of Larry.  She raised $43.00 before she ran home with the flu.  Poor girl!
Thank you Tyler for showing the world your incredible strength and huge heart!  You are one special girl!  I cannot wait to walk with you tomorrow.

The LRM Crew is all ready for a great walk tomorrow.  Great weather, and even  better people to share a Sunday morning walk together in honor of a terrific man. 

Sox it to it Lar...

  

Pump is out, booster is in

What chemo??  That's how I feel when I talk or see my brother.  His body is reacting like a champ, like it's not getting pumped with chemicals every other week.  Larry cooked, cleaned wrote thank you's and lunched while he had his pump in.  The nausea was taken care of with a pill, his sleepiness was taken care of with naps, and his sensitivity to cold was taken care of with lukewarm liquids.  He took his pump out yesterday, and gave himself the white blood cell booster shot this morning.  When I checked in with him this morning, he hadn't felt any effects of the shot.  Let's hope the Claritin keeps working.

On Sunday, we have 25 family and friends joining us for the Get Your Rear in Gear 5k on Sunday.  I'm so honored to have such wonderful people in our lives.

Thank you to everyone that has donated!

Sox it to it Lar...

One more to go...

Today, Larry had his 5th chemo treatment.  The White blood cell booster shot worked!!!  His white blood cell count is at an acceptable level for someone going through chemo.  Before his last treatment, his count was 2.4 and today it was at 6.64!  YAY!!  To keep his level where it’s at, Dr. Stein wants him to continue with another shot.  Larry explained it as “maintenance”. He’ll follow the same procedure as last time.  He’ll start the Claritin tomorrow, take another on Thursday and get the shot on Friday.  As long as the Claritin continues to take away the side effects, I’m okay with a little boost ☺  

I just got home from our 'chemo dinner' at my mom's house.  Spare ribs, truffle green beans, and scalloped potatoes were on the menu.  Luckily, for Lar, the nausea medicine works so he ate like a champ.  He's still sensitive to the cold and very tired, but as always he's a chemo trooper.

5 down…only one more to go.

Sox it to it Lar...

LAST CALL

Larry is gearing up for his 5th chemo treatment tomorrow.  Let's hope the white blood cell booster shot did the trick.  We'll find out tomorrow before he starts his treatment.  Keep your positive vibes coming!!!

Wednesday, is the last day for online registration for the Get your Rear in Gear 5k. Our team is strong in numbers and strong in unity - we would love for you to be a part of it!  Sign up now! If you can't walk please consider making a donation.  Click on the link below:

Get Your Rear in Gear 5k 


 Happy Monday everyone!

Sox it to it Lar...

Screen this too

Did you know that colon cancer is one of the few cancers that you can stop before it starts?

Yesterday, my mom went for her first colonoscopy - only 18 years overdue!  The doctor found 2 polyps that he promptly removed.  Left undetected and in her colon, the chances of one or both of those polyps turning cancerous is very high.  That's why it is so very important to get the word out about colonoscopies.

Colon cancer screening tests save lives – just like breast exams and mammograms – so I'm asking you to not only remember breast health this month, but consider your colon, too.

The Get Your Rear in Gear 5k is only a 12 days away!  Have you signed up or donated yet?  If you are planning on walking with us, please let me know.  My mom is busy planning the brunch following the walk.  I would love to be able to help her plan and give her a number of people.

Sign up/donate for race here:  Get your Rear in Gear 5k

Sox it to it Lar...

What a relief!!

Larry received his white blood cell booster shot on Friday and as of this morning, the Claritin is doing it's job-he doesn't have any joint, bone or muscle pain.  WHAT A RELIEF!!!  Thank you Claritin!  And of course in true Larry form he is back to work.
Someone sent this to me the other day.  I love it!
Happy Sunday everyone!

Sox it to it Lar...

Perspective..keeping it simple

Lar is still doing well after his 4th chemo treatment.  His pump comes out today and he will get the white blood cell booster shot tomorrow.  He started on Claritin yesterday to help alleviate the side effects.  The normal side effects of the chemo were tolerable again this time.  Although, he had to pick something up from me today at work and he hadn't shaved his head in a couple days.  The little hair that was trying to grow back was softer and fuzzier.  One advantage of going bald by 20....when going through chemo you don't have to go through the pain of losing your hair.

Last night, I went to the Esperanza Spaulding concert with two good friends.  Not only does she have an amazing voice, she has a real talent for story telling.  I want to share one of the stories because it made me think....

Her and her 12 piece band are always trying to find new and different melodies, beats, rhythms, etc.  They will listen to new or popular artists on the tour bus and pick apart the best artist's songs to get inspired and create their own.  They were lucky enough to all go on a trip to the amazon- a trip of a lifetime.  She told us how they were in the rainforest and were silent for a second and that is when they discovered the best rhythms, beats, melodies, etc.  Nature provided them the best soundtrack to work from.  Not the multi-million dollar artist or songwriter but nature at it's most simplest form.

The last few weeks at work have been rough... I've been dealing with adolescents that have extreme emotional issues (far greater than your normal teen) and their parents who love them and want the best for them, even if they're not sure what the best is.  After one heart-wrenching meeting, I slowly walked back to my office, pondering the decision we had just made for one boy. I sat down at my desk in a fog and my cell phone beeped.  It was a text message from one of my nieces that simply said I love you. WOW! Those three little simple words brought me out of my fog and renewed me.  I powered on through my day.  Later that day, I checked my email and waiting in my inbox was an email from an old friend that has been through many hard times with me.  He was just checking in to say 'Hi' and to see how I was doing.  Another rejuvenation of the soul.  Simple yet meaningful.

On my way home from the concert, I was thinking about Esperanza's story and what it meant to me.  Her and her band were looking to grand artists and songwriters for inspiration, when really all they needed to do was slow down and listen to the nature around them.  All I needed on my rough day was a simple text with 3 words and a simple email to let me know that people were thinking of me.  I think too often, as a society, we feel we need GRAND gestures to prove our point or make our mark on this world.  To earn someone's love or to get ahead.  What I am saying is Keep it Simple!

From this point on I am going to make an effort to move forward with my brother's diagnosis in the most simplest way.  Take it day to day and celebrate victories (tolerating chemo) and not let the small setbacks (side effects of chemo) bring me down.  Once again, it's all about perspective.
KISS - keep it simple stupid!

Esperanza you Rock!

Photo cred to Jessblaze :)

Sox it to it Lar...

4th one down...

Larry is four chemo treatments down and has two more to go.  Before he can start his treatment each time, he has to have blood work done to check his levels.  Today, his white blood cell count was lower than the doctor wants it.  They went ahead and gave him the chemo today, but he'll need to get a Neulasta shot.  Since his white blood cell count is low, this shot reduces the chances of infection in people receiving chemo.  The side effect of the shot is severe bone, joint and muscle pain.  Of course, there is a drug to counteract the side effect - Claritin.  Yep, that's right the antihistamine.  Essentially, Neulasta revs up the bone marrow to produce more white blood cells causing the bone to 'ache'.  Claritin relieves that pain.  Gosh, I feel so grateful for whoever is discovering the drugs that counteract the side effects.  I mean who would think taking an over the counter antihistamine would relieve the effects of a white blood cell booster????  Just a side note... guess how much this one shot costs.   $7,000!!!!  Can you believe that?  Who says there is nothing wrong with our health care system?!
He is still experiencing the tingling in his fingers when they are exposed to cold, and the nausea but of course he knows how to handle both.  Now that the weather is getting colder, he is experiencing the tingling fingers just being outside.  Of course, my mom has volunteered to knit him a pair of mittens for him :)

I just got home from our traditional chemo meal at my moms.  We had hangar steak with bearnaise sauce, potatoes and broccoli.  I'm STUFFED and exhausted!!!  My brother looks good and is in good spirits.  

Have you signed up for the Get in Your Rear in Gear 5k?

Sox it to it Lar...