Take Me Out to The Ball Game

Take Me Out to the Ballgame,
Take Me Out With the Crowd,
Buy Me Some Peanuts and Cracker Jacks,
I dont care if I never get back
Let me Root Root Root for the White Sox
If they don't win it's a Shame
For it's
One
Two
Three 
Strikes your out at the ole' ball game.

That's right baseball fans, we've reached the 7th inning stretch in this game against cancer.  FINALLY!!!!! (with a big sigh of relief)  It has taken 9 months to get to this place, but we have arrived.  Today, Larry had the last of his chemo treatments.  If you're keeping score that is 12 treatments in all, with a lil' surgery in between.  That means we are at the end of his treatment plan that was given to us in August : 

one round of chemo 
CAT scan
HIPEC surgery 
one round of chemo 
CAT Scan

The last thing on the list is the CAT scan that will reveal if the chemo was successful.  He will get his scan next Thursday morning and that same afternoon we will meet with the doctors to hear/go over the results.

So now what?  Well, it is the 7th inning...so we stretch.  Stretching means different things for different people.  Some people take this time to head off and grab a beer and a brat, others go to the bathroom while others stay at their seats, stand up and stretch their legs while taking in the smells and sounds of the ballpark. All in anticipation of the next 2.5 innings left in the game.  

In this game against cancer, I did not anticipate that the 7th inning stretch would be so difficult.  Yes, we are at the end of his treatment plan, that should and is a good thing, right?  I just can't stop thinking but now what????  
We have to wait a week to find out if there is currently cancer in my brother's body.  Somewhere in his body, not sure where, or even if it's there at all.  Even if it's not there in a week, when will it return?  Will it return?  How will we know?  What will happen then?  Will the treatment plan be the same?  Will there be more surgeries?  When I see a call from my brother at an odd time, will my heart always race thinking something is wrong?   AHHHH...does this uneasy feeling ever go away?
This is why I am choosing to use this 7th inning stretch as a time of reflection.  If I can look back on the last 9 months and reflect on ways it has changed me as a person, then I can put all of those nagging questions in perspective.  Maybe just maybe it will give me the strength that I know I have to look ahead with a sense of certainty.  Not a naive certainty like, I think everything is going to be great, always.  I mean a sense of certainty that whatever is thrown my way, whatever is thrown my brother's way we can deal with it.

So, here I go.... 
Day 1 of my 7th inning stretch of reflection...learning to live in the moment.

I have learned how to live in the moment and to celebrate even the small things.  Today, we celebrated my brothers last chemo treatment in this current plan.  In November, we also celebrated the end of his first round of chemo.  Some people questioned why, since we aren't celebrating my brother being 'cancer free'.  When you live in the moment you allow yourself to celebrate small milestones.  Heck, you allow yourself to celebrate.period.  During today's celebration, we ate blue frosted cupcakes while my brother was getting his chemo.  I forgot to buy plates so we proceeded to dive into the cupcakes while crumbs fell everywhere.  I looked up from my cupcake and my mom was eating over a bag and my brother had blue frosting all over himself.  I just smiled - now that is a celebration!  If you know my mom you get a chuckle out of this... and if you know my brother you know that's just him.  It was a normal Matson celebration in a not-so-normal setting.  After chemo we had our traditional 'chemo' dinner at my moms.  We, of course, had to celebrate with a champagne toast.  Throughout the night, I laughed so hard my stomach and cheeks hurt and my eyes watered.  That is how you let yourself live in the moment.  and when you allow yourself to live in the moment, you allow yourself to celebrate the small things.  We allowed ourselves to quiet that uneasy feeling if just for a couple hours.  And let me tell you, it felt GREAT!  You should try it sometime.


Sox it to it Lar...