Resilience

I was at a work conference recently on “Challenging Success in kids and adolsecence’.  Much of the discussions and lectures were around instilling resiliency into our children. Resiliency is the single biggest indicator of a successful person.   Not SAT or ACT scores, not grades, not the extra curricular activities you participate in… RESILIENCE!

One of my all-time favorite people in this world, Ken Ginsberg, M.D., led a 2- hour workshop on Real Success – Coping with Life.  He spoke at length about resilience and strategies that schools and parents can use to help their children help themselves.  He defines resilience “the capacity to rise above difficult circumstances, allow our children to exist in this less-than-perfect world, while moving forward with optimism and confidence”.  Hmmm…..

He further went on to explain the importance of instilling realism - not optimism (the cup is half full) and not pessimism (the cup is half empty) but realism (the cup is filled halfway).  Hmmmm….

And that a part of realism is conserving your energy; letting things go; knowing when to use your fight and let go of your flight; having the ability to recognize the things we can change and the things that we do not have control of.   Hmmm..

Yes, you did come to the right blog www.larrysoxcancer.blogspot.com and not the blog I write for school.  When I was sitting in this workshop I was listening with two different sets of ears.  One was my “I work in a school and help middle school students with their everyday stressors and the other was my ‘I am a sister of a brother that has cancer and I am helping myself, and my family, with that everyday stress”.

My family has faced difficult circumstances that many families do not have to endure.  Although, I would give anything to have my dad and aunt with us today, the tragedy of losing them forced me to be the resilient person I am today. It helped that my dad and aunt were two of the strongest people I know, and that strength was instilled in me at an early age.  It also helped that my mom was there to pick up the pieces of this less-than-perfect world and moved this family forward.

So, here we are now.  My family is faced with yet another difficult circumstance- my brother has cancer. Since July 18^th, I have been in AWE of my family.  We have truly exemplified realism.  I didn’t realize that’s what we were doing until Dr. Ginsberg put a name to it.  Now, I can’t say that we are natural realists.  But what we are is well-balanced machine.  Anytime one of us goes to the half empty side someone is there to remind us that the glass is halfway filled.  When one of us proclaims the glass is half full, another one us is there to gently guide us to the glass is halfway filled.  And that is where we remain today, through the ups and downs of this cancer diagnosis, we are keeping it REAL!

On Tuesday, my brother will undergo the HIPAC procedure at Illinois Masonic Hospital.  Dr. Salti will first examine the abdominal cavity for any tumors that may have been missed on the CT scan.  If there are any he will remove them and then proceed with the chemo bath (HIPAC).  We are unsure how long the surgery will take – anywhere from 3-6 hours, depending on what they do/do not find.  He will then recover for about 9 days in the hospital and 4 weeks at home.  He is definitetly not looking forward to this!  He will have a feeding tube again, but this time they are adding a drug that will increase the amount of time he will need the tube.  That means no food or drink for an even longer time than the last surgery.  We will once again be waiting for that coveted fart that will indicate his body is waking up and is ready to drink, then eat, then poop, then go home.  I will keep you all updated on how well the surgery goes on Tuesday and throughout his recovery.

As much as we would like to we cannot change his diagnosis and we, alone, cannot take this cancer away.  What we need to do is recognize that and conserve our energy for things we can change, like…

-Keeping my family in your thoughts on Tuesday and the weeks following the surgery

-keeping my brother’s spirits up by sending a card, a text message, a phone call.. just knowing that people are thinking of him lifts his spirits and gives him the energy to recover and heal

-get a colonoscopy

- make colon cancer awareness a priority this holiday season when you are giving to a charity

I really do hope that resiliency is the number one indicator of a successful person...because my family are experts!

Sox it to it Lar...