A lost post

I just saw that one of my posts from April 17th(the night before Lar's CT scan) did not post.  Apparently, me and Blogger are still fighting.  So, here it is....

When I was a boy, and would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers, you will always find people who are helping" - Mr. Rogers

As a child, I feel like I learned from watching Mr. Roger's neighborhood, I never thought I would continue to learn from him in adulthood.  

In times that make you question humanity (the Boston Marathon bombing, cancer diagnosis, etc.) we search to make sense of it all.  Our humanly instinct is to try and find the answer to the 'why'.  Why would someone place 4 bombs in a public place to kill and injury many innocent people?  Why did my brother get cancer?  For many reasons we seek the 'why' to somehow comfort us.  Maybe if we find out the why we feel the act will not be repeated??  If we find the why and the act will not be repeated then we don't have to worry that it will happen again and effect us directly?   

Through my week of reflection, I have gained the perspective of putting my energy into things that I do have control over.  If I get stuck on the why and continually pursue the answer to it, I am wasting important energy that I can place elsewhere.  Yes, they will find the people responsible for the bombing.  Yes, they will find a cure for cancer one day.  But does that answer the why?  Does it give us the comfort we so desperately seek right now?

Mr. Roger's points out that in times like this we should Look for the Helpers.  WOW!  That puts so much into perspective:  

- In times like this seek the positive. There are more people helping than there are bombers and cancer.  There is more good in this world than bad.

- In times like this we all feel vulnerable and need to ask for help in any capacity - that's ok.  

This morning I woke up to the sweet tune of Sweet Caroline playing on the news.  The newscasters were reporting on last night's Yankees game.  During the 7th inning stretch of the game, they played the song in honor of Boston.  You see the Boston Red Sox play the song during the seventh inning stretch of every home game.  It's like THEIR song.  Like Chelsea Dagger is to the Blackhawks.  It was the Yankees organization's way of showing the Bostonians that they were thinking of them.  That they were their helpers.  Such a sentiment coming from one of the biggest rivalries known to sports.

                              Here is the Sweet Caroline Video

                                     

Tomorrow morning, Larry will have a CAT scan and by tomorrow afternoon we will find out if he has any tumors or abnormalities due to his cancer.  This will be a good exercise of seeking the positive and not placing all my energy in the why.  Whether it's good news or bad news putting energy in the 'why' won't help me (it will only help the doctors).  Whether it's good news or bad news I will remain positive because that is how I have chosen to live my life. And whether it's good news or bad news I will feel vulnerable and as Mr. Roger's taught me, I will look for my helpers.  There are plenty of them out there!  I am asking my helpers to put good energy in the air tomorrow.

Sox it to it Lar...

What exactly is Remission???

We are still riding the high of getting the good remission news.  It's still sinking in to most and now I am getting text messages and emails...
What is remission exactly??....  What does Lar do now??

Dr. Stein's explanation of remission to us is there are no cancer cells detected by a CT scan or blood work.  Our hopes are that he is CCF (cancer cell free).  She cannot guarantee that there are no cancer cells in Larry's body.  If there are cancer cells in his body,  they are undetectable at this point.  Another point to make about remission, that I have learned in the past couple days, is that he has absolutely no signs or symptoms of cancer.  He looks great AND feels great.  He actually gained another 2 pounds and is back to his 'fighting' weight.

Now for his next steps... his next scan and blood work is in 2 months and he will remain on that schedule for at least a year.  He is also scheduled for follow-up with Dr. Salti, his surgeon.  I'm sure he is thrilled with the news.  Larry is a part of a HIPEC (the chemo bath surgery he had in December) study that Dr. Salti is involved with.  I'm sure this is the result he and the entire HIPEC community was hoping for :)

Sox it to it Lar...

Remission- his way.

       REMISSION - REMISSION - REMISSION - REMISSION - REMISSION 

Today, we found out that Larry's cancer is in remission.  The long wait was well worth it!  I'm sure you all could hear the HUGE sigh of relief that I breathed when we got the news from Dr. Stein.  When we walked out of the doctor's office my brother broke down and sobbed.  Now, I'm not being the little sister that would once make fun of him for crying (I admit that did happen) I am telling you this because the minute I saw him cry I realized that was the first time he showed any emotion since he was diagnosed in July.  I SO clearly remember July 18th when Dr. Salti came into Larry's hospital room and told us that he had stage IV colon cancer.  My heart dropped to my stomach and I literally lost my breath.  I felt like Mike Tyson punched me dead center in my gut.  Larry asked Dr. Salti, " what is the worst stage?"  From that point on Larry   didn't ask for sympathy, did not feel sorry for himself for one second and when asked what he was going to do, he would reply "FIGHT what else is is there to do?".
For those of you who didn't know, My Way by Frank Sinatra was my dad's all-time favorite song.  And let me tell you, my dad lived his life HIS WAY!  My brother and I even danced to this song at his wedding.  When I saw my brother outside of the doctor's office with tears in his eyes and unable to speak, I couldn't help but think..... He fought stage IV colon cancer HIS WAY!  He fought with his head held high, without missing one day of work (other than what he had to take off), had a positive attitude even at his sickest, without complaining one single time, never looking back, never once showed us how scared he was and did it all with his twisted sense of humor.  He deserved that breakdown - he had held in all of that emotion for 10+ months.  He finally allowed himself to stop and realize what the past 10 months have looked like:

• an unplanned emergency surgery that took 5 ft. of his colon and don't forget his appendix!
• one week later, a trip to the ER and another week stay in the hospital with complications from his first surgery
• surviving many NPOs throughout his hospital stays
• PICC-line installed so his sister and wife could give him antibiotics 3/day for a month
• a mega port installed for chemo and blood draw
• a wedding!
• a Colon Cancer Walk - Larry's Crew you rock!!!
• 5 CT scans - having to drink barium each time and waiting for the results to be told to him
• 2 rounds of chemo (6 hours in the hospital each time and carry a pump for 2 extra days)
• Nuelesta shots when his levels would drop
• HIPEC surgery with a 9 day hospital stay right before Christmas 
• Neurapathy and all the meds that go along with it

My brother amazes me more each time I'm around him.  I am so grateful that he fought colon cancer his way, because I don't know what I would have done if he did it another way. Larry - your strength and courage are beyond what I ever could imagine.  Thank you for showing me your way of dealing with adversity.  I am so damn lucky to call you my brother.  And thank you dad for being the example of how to live your life-MY WAY.

Now, it's time to celebrate - our traditional steak and champagne celebration at my moms awaits me.

Sox it to it Lar....

The waiting game...

We're still waiting.....until Tuesday, May 7th at noon.  We will be meeting with his oncologist, Dr. Stein to go over his scan result.  Dr. Stein had to cancel the original appointment (can you believe her child got sick?? the nerve!), last week Larry then went on a little road trip to Memphis and this week Dr. Stein went on vacation.  So, the 7th it is.  
I will keep you posted.....Have a good weekend!!